NO ONE’S GOTTA KNOW

I feel like we’re far enough into our relationship where I can maybe confess a secret without being judged. Ever see the episode of "Friends" where Chandler finds the junk closet of Monica, his OCD wife, and compares her to Fred Sanford?  My secret?  I, like Monica, keep things where people can’t see.

My coffee table with four drawers?  Filled with all kinds of random junk.  The remotes to my air conditioners (if I can’t get up and turn on my AC’s then we have other issues all together), my son’s wallet and cell (I mean…), the ex’s box set of "The West Wing" (seriously, take your crap already), and an old event rental book that I can’t bear to part with (what if I need a full size white dance floor or complete set of chafing dishes on a random Tuesday?) 

The TV console isn't AS bad: computer set up discs (I panic at the thought of throwing them away and then one day needing them), cleaning cloth for the TV (makes sense), and decorative objects wrapped in plastic bags (huh?).  For example: dented decorative fruit, glass beads, and scented potpourri that lost its scent oh, I don’t know, probably 5 years ago.

As I write this I'm realizing more and more that maybe I’m a little bit of a hoarder.  I don’t need any of these things.  None.  By the time I need the computer discs I’ll need a new computer.  AC remotes can go away, no explanation.  Decorative objects?  I was embarrassed to even let those words go from thought to computer.  And dented decorative fruit no less?  How much could new fruit cost should I ever be so inclined to decorate with it again??  As soon as I turn this computer off I’m throwing them in the garbage.  I motivate myself sometimes…

But for whatever reasons I can’t bring myself to part with these random items and there’s no place else for them to live in the apartment so I think these drawers are perfectly fine.  And I’ll eventually make my way through the nonsense.  Maybe magazines would be more appropriate since I started up a few subscriptions again.  Up until now nothing else was competing for the space so why not keep this stuff here where no one else can see?  If my guests rifle through the drawers when I’m not looking then it’s their loss really.  And, in my defense, its not an entire closet I’m hoarding so don’t cue the Sanford & Son theme music just yet.